So begins my 5 day weekend for Thanksgiving...where I have to stay in my apartment b/c my parents are outta the country for the holidays. Its rather sad but hopefully I'll find something to keep me busy. After a 'conversation' with Kristen last night I've learned that I should stop asking her questions and being concerned about her... I guess shes annoyed when I care too much. So I guess now all I can do is back down a little. I feel like shes shutting me out slowly. All the progress I've made with her emotions in the past year and a half is slowly reversing it seems like. How does one rekindle love...? :(

Emil's thoughts took float @ 12:53 PM

This weekend has gone by faster than all other weekends of this quarter, which is good, but nonetheless I dont feel like anything has improved with me emotionally. I always have my happy normal emotional times when I get to spend some time with Kristen, which was basically this weekend but I dont know how to feel in general. I feel like shes bored with me and only views our relationship now as an obligation. I dont know what to do. How do I go about rekindling the way our relationship was a couple of months ago. I dont want to lose her because she means everything to me. I'm so emotionally lost. I try to show her how much I love her and care for her but how am I suppose to know if its working when her responses are neutral. I guess thats a sign that my actions arent working. I dont know how to go about it...others would probably recommend to tell her about it and let her know how I feel, but I personally think that by doing so I'll just get a negative reaction, which in turn would just make me feel worse than I currently do. She asked what I want for Xmas, which reminded me of how soon it is and that I should probably start buying the thing(s) I had in mind for her. My only hope is that theyll let her know how dear she is to me and some emotional reaction will occur showing her love in return. I guess I'm just gonna tough it out with the hope and expectation of a better future. Maybe after this quarter she'll slow down with APhiO and spend some more time with me... or of course the opposite could happen where she'll find out APhiO is where she wants to be and just completely throw me in the back seat. I can only hope and pray for the best. I need a hug...but I'd only accept it from one person. I dont know how to feel.

Emil's thoughts took float @ 5:42 PM